Saturday, August 16, 2008

I read the Bigfoot articles so you don't have to.

It happened (allegedly) near my neck of the woods. Another couple of idiots claim to have found Bigfoot. It's all pretty standard, as Bigfoot stories go. "Evidence" so thin you can see through it. Ever-changing narratives. So-called "experts" that are anything but. In case you missed it, here it the latest claim in a nutshell.

Three different stories about how the finders are now in possession of a Bigfoot body: It was (a) shot by a felon and these guys followed it into the woods, (b) they found a whole family of Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) and bagged one, and/or (c) they were hiking in the north Georgia woods and stumbled upon a dead one.

They've had the body (allegedly) in a freezer for a month. Won't let anyone have a look, except for their own hand-picked "scientists", one of whom turned out to be the (non-scientist) brother of one of the finders. (They claim they were "just having some fun.") The low quality photo that was posted to the internet looks like an ape suit wadded up in a big Styrofoam cooler.

To match the three tales of the capture of the Bigfoot corpse, there were three DNA samples analyzed. Results? (a)human, (b) possum, and (c) cannot be determined due to technical problems.

Most damning sign that this is a hoax? These yokels are now charging $499 to lead weekend "Bigfoot hunts" in north Georgia. Because (allegedly) our woods are just chock full of Bigfeet (Bigfoots?) awaiting discovery.

So unless you think that Bigfoot is a cross between man and opossum, this probably isn't the discovery you've been waiting for.

But this does remind me of those TV specials from my childhood, about Bigfoot, UFOs, or the Loch Ness Monster. I loved those shows. Part of the magic was that these specials were fairly rare. They were not your ordinary TV fare. It wasn't as if you could hop onto the internet and indulge your taste for the paranormal. No, back then it was An Event. And back then, you could almost believe...

23 comments:

LL said...

Who would possibly lie about something like that...

It's gotta be true, it was on the news!

JennyC&F said...

I thought Bigfoot lived in the Alps or on the Tibetian Pleatu or somewhere like that.

And for the record, I lived in fear of "Champ" the lockness that lived in lake Champlain in Lake George area NY. I didn't mind the shallow water and I didn't mind water skiing but if I had a wipeout... I could be an olympic swimmer going for shore!

fermicat said...

ll - And they have a body!

jenny - the real Bigfoot might live in those places. You know - the one that isn't half man, half possum. As for Champ, if you had been attacked and survived, the National Enquirer would have paid you a lot of money for your story! Look at the bright side...

JennyC&F said...

They have a body. In Georgia. SOME how that is very distrubing!

As for Champ, I was not afraid of him until I was sitting in the water on afternoon waiting for a tow after a wipe out and something bumped me from under neath! Lets say... I didn't fall again that afternoon!

Dave said...

Now Fermi, you know we don't brag here in Georgia about big; but, as I recall, one of us caught a really big bass, we had a "boarzilla" a year or two back and Sonny Perdue has a really big head (and shrinking revenues). So, I'm going with Bigfoot(s) here. I'm not paying money to see them; but, if Bubba can get people to pay, it will help the flagging economy.

dr sardonicus said...

In other news, word is that Newt Gingrich is still loose in the North Georgia woods...

fermicat said...

jenny- close one!

dave - ah, Hogzilla. We just can't avoid creating tabloid new stories down here in the deep south.

dr s- no word yet as to whether he has any possum DNA.

Beth said...

I used to absolutely love the paranormal stories back in the day too. This reminds me of the chupacabra stories I've seeing. The chupacabras turn out to be nothing more than shaved badgers.

Damn, someone out to have Hillybilly hunting excursions instead of Bigfoot ones.

Dave said...

Fermi, I realized that AFTER I clicked Publish.

dr sardonicus said...

I don't know if Newt has possum DNA, but he sure don't need to be running around loose...

fermicat said...

beth - I wonder if it is hard to shave a badger...

dave - just think of the most redneck way to describe something and that will probably be the correct headline.

dr s - yes, that was quite the stretch of logic there.

JennyC&F said...

...but...but... HOGZILLA was REAL!!!

wa11z said...

Bigfoot is real. Just ask Elvis. :D

Kathleen said...

I absolutely the Loch Ness Monster and I have no idea why I developed such an affinity for it. I like to believe in it. Bigfoot, however? Not so much.

The two guys were on Countdown last week and they said that they don't want to benefit financially until it's proven for sure that it's Bigfoot. Whatever.

magnetbabe said...

I used to love those stories too. But I also used to be sad that there were always only ONE Loch Ness monster and ONE Bigfoot (unless you believe these yokels). I used to wonder if they were lonely.

I read about this story on CNN.com, and I couldn't figure out why they were even covering it, as they described the photo the same way as you, as looking like an ape suit.

tiff said...

The real shame is that so much attention was heaped on them....we're a nation of suckers, apparently.

BC said...

Thats why I posted the article at SSD. I was laughing so hard and found it so amusing.

Minnesotablue said...

The photo of big foot (supposedly) was the worst fake I have ever seen.

JennyC&F said...

how mqny days left of u r sheer panic... 3?

A WORLD OF CREDIT N LUCK on the big day

fermicat said...

wa11z - Bigfoot may be real. Just not this particular Bigfoot!

kat - those guys better be selling a lot of those $499 hunting trips, because one of them lost his job over this.

magnetbabe - because idiotic hoaxes can be fun?

tiff - we're more like rubberneckers, I think.

bc - it was definitely funny.

minnesota - it was a low budget fake. I bet they didn't get their deposit back on the ape suit either.

jenny - three days is correct. Thanks.

Beth said...

The badger was dead and omg, I need to start re-reading what I write -- all those spelling and other mistakes. Jeepers creepers.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I miss all the good stuff when I'm on vacation!

Do you get to look in the freezer if you pay? I, too, watched every single paranormal tv documentary of the 70s. It was just so exciting!

fermicat said...

beth - no one is grading your spelling or grammar here. Don't worry about it!

real live lesbian - welcome to the blog. You could easily recreate the excitement you missed in the privacy of your own home. Just crumple up an ape suit in a big styrofoam cooler and freeze it. Throw in a few rednecks for effect and you've got it!