There is a dangerous predator loose in our cul-de-sac. This insane, vicious creature attacks Zima on a near nightly basis. Worse, it is nearly impossible to get rid of and it always comes back. Its lair is just next door. It is always watching. Who is this demon spawn? Skittles, the Psycho Kitty.
Stop laughing. I mean it! This cat is pure evil. That little old lady's house next door might as well be the Cave of Caerbannog, because "the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived." Skittles, I dub thee The Legendary Calico Beast of Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh.
Before I knew better, I once tried to shoo her out of my yard. The standard way to do this is yell at them. If that doesn't do it, maybe lunge toward them, waving your arms wildly. Most cats would take one look at you and beat a temporary retreat. But with Skittles, what did I get for my trouble? She attacked me and clawed a gash in my palm. So I tried again, this time armed with a broom. She attacked the broom and still wouldn't leave. Just about the only thing that even halfway works is water, the mortal enemy of cats. Since we can't use the hose anymore (watering restrictions), we keep a big squirt bottle handy to try to fend her off. And yes, more often than not she attacks the water stream and goes for the bottle. This cat disturbs my calm.
Tonight she struck again. While cooking the evening's meal, we heard the familiar caterwauling. Skittles and Zima were getting into it under my car. We nearly emptied the squirt bottle on her and never did get Skittles to go home. Just chased her around in circles. We had to settle for grabbing Zima, complete with puffy tail, and carefully bringing her inside, out of the fray. I know calicos are known to have a mean streak, but Skittles takes it to a new level. I'd feel better for our safety if we had a holy hand grenade or two...