Physics has invaded my dreams in a big way since I ramped up the studying this month. The weirdest nightmare occurred a few nights ago. I was doing some routine tests on the linear accelerator and it started, well, messing with me. Moving stuff when I wasn't looking, wrecking my test results, making mischief. And then it got nasty. Then the next thing I knew, I was somehow stuck to the gantry head, hanging on for dear life as it rotated around and around, faster and faster. I couldn't jump off without injury, and couldn't make it stop. There are lots of emergency off switches, but none in the head. (In reality, it isn't capable of continuous rotation. It will do a full circle, but only once around so the cables don't get tangled. But since when has reality ever gotten in the way of a vivid dream?) I tried to yell for someone to hit one of those emergency off switches, but could only manage a hoarse whisper. No one could hear me because I was inside the shielded vault without a voice, and the machine was out to get me. Because this linac was evil. Lets just hope the board examiners aren't.
Countdown = 25 days
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Guilt Trips
Things I feel guilty about, in no particular order:
- not studying nearly enough for my board exam coming up 5/31 - 6/2. I get home from work feeling so mentally fried that I don't even want to look at a book, much less open it and study. But the test is coming whether I have the mental energy to prep for it or not, and I have tons and tons of material to get through and be able to explain to an examiner (it is an oral exam). This guilt is strongly coupled with stress and dread.
- I feel some self-pressure to work more overtime to get projects done because I get interrupted with clinical duties all day and never get very far, although I am already putting in excess hours at work and doing more of this would exacerbate the "not studying enough" guilt described above. This is a no win situation, unless I can manufacture thirty hours from a twenty four hour day. But if I did, I would want that six hours for more sleep.
- I can't remember exactly when I last cooked something, although I vaguely recall not getting it ready until well after 9pm on an evening when we were both tired and hungry. PDM is doing far more than his share of the cooking, and when he doesn't cook we go out or order in. He's probably ahead on kitchen cleanup. We're about even on laundry, and neither of us is doing much of anything else around the house (and it shows). We haven't done anything to the yard either.
- there are a few other items that are private.
I know things will get better after my test, and this is just something to get through, but it doesn't make me feel any less guilty.
- not studying nearly enough for my board exam coming up 5/31 - 6/2. I get home from work feeling so mentally fried that I don't even want to look at a book, much less open it and study. But the test is coming whether I have the mental energy to prep for it or not, and I have tons and tons of material to get through and be able to explain to an examiner (it is an oral exam). This guilt is strongly coupled with stress and dread.
- I feel some self-pressure to work more overtime to get projects done because I get interrupted with clinical duties all day and never get very far, although I am already putting in excess hours at work and doing more of this would exacerbate the "not studying enough" guilt described above. This is a no win situation, unless I can manufacture thirty hours from a twenty four hour day. But if I did, I would want that six hours for more sleep.
- I can't remember exactly when I last cooked something, although I vaguely recall not getting it ready until well after 9pm on an evening when we were both tired and hungry. PDM is doing far more than his share of the cooking, and when he doesn't cook we go out or order in. He's probably ahead on kitchen cleanup. We're about even on laundry, and neither of us is doing much of anything else around the house (and it shows). We haven't done anything to the yard either.
- there are a few other items that are private.
I know things will get better after my test, and this is just something to get through, but it doesn't make me feel any less guilty.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The Wine-o-meter
The past two days have been insanely busy at work, and frustrating, and difficult, and pegged the "wine-o-meter scale of suckitude". Meaning - they sucked so horribly bad that I poured a glass of wine the MINUTE I walked through the door, which was after 7:00 both nights. Do NOT pass go, do not collect $200 or anything else, do not change clothes, do not pet the cats, do not talk to your spouse. Go directly to the wine rack, plop down your stuff, open a bottle and POUR. Drink liberally. Repeat. Sigh. Unload on your spouse, who has kindly cooked you a dinner. And then try to relax. And get up the next day and do it all again...
Monday, February 25, 2008
Wild, Wild Life
When life gets a little too exciting, it is nice to chill out and commune with nature. And sometimes there is no better place to do that than from your own yard. (There is a lot of stuff going on lately that I haven't disclosed in the blog. Maybe later, or maybe never. Some family stuff and lots of drama at work, among other things. Thus, the lack of posts other than photoblogging lately.)
I spent some time outside in my yard at dusk this evening after a draining day at work. Moxy was entertaining as she hunted squirrels from tree to tree. Zima followed me around as we watched Moxy's exploits. Moxy's becoming quite the climber. Getting back down is still the hardest part, but eventually she figures out that she can't go down head first and it all works out.
Standing at the edge of the woods with the cats, I heard a familiar call - "Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you-all?" It was a barred owl (strix varia), perched in a nearby tree. The owl was watching Moxy, too. I fetched my binoculars for a better look and the owl obliged by sticking around for a while. It was too dark to get a decent photograph, but not too dark to observe the owl with binocs. There are a pair of them who have claimed our neighborhood as their territory. These owls are frequent visitors to our yard, which has lots of hardwood trees and a creek running through the back. We hear them more often than we see them, but both owls made appearances tonight. If we are lucky, there will be some owlets to watch later in the spring and early summer.
If you find owls as fascinating as I do, you may enjoy exploring the OwlCam website. Some folks in Eastern Massachusetts built an owl house, and a pair of barred owls took residence and raised families there over multiple years. They have a lot of information and some spectacular photo and video footage of the owls and owlets, as the owl house was wired for audio and video. There is a nifty library of owl sounds, so you can figure out if the hoots in your own yard are from barred owls.
I spent some time outside in my yard at dusk this evening after a draining day at work. Moxy was entertaining as she hunted squirrels from tree to tree. Zima followed me around as we watched Moxy's exploits. Moxy's becoming quite the climber. Getting back down is still the hardest part, but eventually she figures out that she can't go down head first and it all works out.
Standing at the edge of the woods with the cats, I heard a familiar call - "Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you-all?" It was a barred owl (strix varia), perched in a nearby tree. The owl was watching Moxy, too. I fetched my binoculars for a better look and the owl obliged by sticking around for a while. It was too dark to get a decent photograph, but not too dark to observe the owl with binocs. There are a pair of them who have claimed our neighborhood as their territory. These owls are frequent visitors to our yard, which has lots of hardwood trees and a creek running through the back. We hear them more often than we see them, but both owls made appearances tonight. If we are lucky, there will be some owlets to watch later in the spring and early summer.
If you find owls as fascinating as I do, you may enjoy exploring the OwlCam website. Some folks in Eastern Massachusetts built an owl house, and a pair of barred owls took residence and raised families there over multiple years. They have a lot of information and some spectacular photo and video footage of the owls and owlets, as the owl house was wired for audio and video. There is a nifty library of owl sounds, so you can figure out if the hoots in your own yard are from barred owls.
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