"How to pimp a Camry?" and Other Stupid Queries

The search terms that bring strangers to Cosmic Cat are pretty tame compared to the ones some other bloggers share, but no less bizarre. As a public service of questionable value, I will share some of these queries along with some commentary. You know, to make it easy on the next people who land here looking for answers to life's quirky quandaries.

I hate to say it, but the most common search term that shows up on a very consistent basis is some variant of "pimp my Camry". Folks, I can make this real simple for you. You bought a Camry for cryin' out loud. They are comfortable cars. They are reliable and practical and affordable. They're kind of boring and that is why we buy them. They can't be pimped. Any attempt on your part to install curb feelers, fancy rims, or a homemade spoiler is just going to make your Camry look ridiculous.

"Cuban pork roast" - yes it is delicious, but if you are trying to find a recipe you'll have to look elsewhere.

"He's a lumberjack and he's OK" (and "lumberjack" and "guys chopping logs", etc.) - yes, he is. But I only admire them from a distance.

"Why do my bra straps fall down when I am walking?" - Probably because you bought that bra in the 90s. Get a new one that fits, and adjust the straps.

"saggy pants ban" - get a belt.

"Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy" - no it ain't, especially if your hyperdrive is on the fritz.

"Would aspirin hurt a cat?" - probably, if you throw it hard enough.

"Touchdown Jesus lolcat" - almost certainly would be amusing, but never appeared on this blog.

"Tore up and tore up good" - what happens if you eat too much chili.

"Super size fake boobs" - Is the "freak of nature" size really necessary?

"Cat, no visible testicles" - dude, your cat is either (a)female, or (b)neutered.

"Cats digging in my pants" - not recommended.

"Albino worm/leech" - what the blister will look like if you burn your finger on a hot coffee mug, or an invertebrate lacking pigment.

"Cat flux" - the number of cats flowing through a unit area per unit time?