Which one is flatter?

A pancake, or my boobs during today's mammogram? Hmmm. That's a tough one. Are the pancakes fluffy?

Then there was this strange incident in the parking garage on my way out. I knew that the parking fee would be $2, and the smallest bill I had was a $20. So I decided to get rid of some of the loose change I had been carrying around. I gave the parking attendant four quarters and ten dimes. He gave me a withering look as if I had just handed him a fistful of dog turds. "What is this?" he spat, in a haughty tone reminiscent of a snooty waiter. Then he just sort of threw the change into the register without bothering to count it. As if dealing with coins was somehow beneath him (or maybe he doesn't know how to count American currency). He's a parking lot attendant, for cryin' out loud. Bizarre. Do you think he would have been more or less pissy if I had given him some of those spiffy new dollar coins?

The good news is that my boobs did spring back to their normal shape, they didn't find anything alarming in the images, and I don't have to do it again until the next time my doctor starts badgering me about it.

In The News: 'Bad Idea' Edition

Generally, it's a bad idea to:

1. Open a "Hooters" restaurant in the middle east. They have a cow about women driving and showing any skin that doesn't have eyelashes attached. What are they going to do about women waiting tables in orange silk short-shorts? And are they still going to offer the ham and cheese or pulled pork BBQ sandwiches?

2. Use your cell phone to send someone a photo of your naked breasts popping out of your unbuttoned police uniform, complete with clearly visible name badge. Like that's NOT going to end up on the internet. Riiiiggghht.

3. Stash a dead passenger in first class.